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I hate birthdays. I am terrible at giving gifts, or even acknowledge they exist. I get cranky when people start making demands for their birthday, and I have known to be passive aggressive about them more then once. I have spent to many of them ignored, or forced into doing what my family wanted, one year I even got a banana pie to celebrate with. Why does she mention banana pie you ask? Why does this make her hate birthdays?
Because I HATE bananas. I have been known to scream like a mouse was in my room if my son left a half eaten one in my room. I have gotten over this fear and loathing so that doesn't happen, but I still have banana hate. So at 28 when I got this pie-you would think that everyone in my family would know that is not what I wanted right? Guess who got it for me. My mom. Passive fucking aggressive much???????????????????? This about sums up most of my birthdays with my family. Many other tales to tell-but I don't really care so I will save you the time. I just don't like birthdays. I will bail you out of jail, pick you up in the middle of the night(really good at this one) buy you whatever you want if we are together somewhere and I have the money in my pocket. But don't ever expect that I will deal with your birthday in a way that makes you happy. Your lucky if I show up at all. Deal or move on.
*of note-I have missed two birthday parties this month. Neither miss was because of my loathing of birthdays in case you think this is a reflection of your event.
So why am I talking about this? Drake's sister Mia has her birthday on the same day as my father. I remembered yesterday when my sister called to remind me my dad's birthday was coming up. Guess what!!?? I already told his father that Drake could go to Disneyland. FUCK. Okay so I will just let Drake go, and then drive out to Anaheim and pick him up early. Guess what? My dad took the day off.
Now what? Drake should be going with his sister because
A He adores his sister,
B It's his sister
C.It's Disneyland
However my father will be hurt. My mother will not allow it, and right now just because she knows that I am now in a quandry is preparing herself to come out of her room and scream at me all day for even expressing a struggle with the issue. My mom is a bitch, but they both believe that the world should express gratefullness and fanfare at the alter of their existence.
(NO REALLY...they don't like a member of the family because they were never acknowledged for showing up at the death bed and funeral of the said family members son. long story...but true. Really? cause they give a fuck? their kid died!)
Now don't get me wrong, Drake loves my dad, and I do think a gift and some love are appropriate...but that should be that. Hug in the morning, card, gift and off to Disneyland.
Nope not going to happen. He must be here all day. Even if my dad was at work it will be seen as ungrateful that Drake was not here waiting for him all day. It doesn't matter that it's his sister. She does not exist under the magical glow that should be our appreciation for my parents monetary help (cause fuck if they ever gave us emotional support-though they think so I am sure). Their meeting of the sperm and ovary supercedes all other relationships.
So with all this fanfare their must be something special going on at least right?
Nope. It will consist of lunch or dinner and sleeping on the couch. Oh, we might see a movie. Scratch that...THEY will go see a movie and no consideration will be taken of whether or not Drake can see it. Now that he is older it's less of a problem...but the matter of it is they will demand that he be here but leave to do what they want as it suits them. When he could be at Disneyland for his sister's birthday.
So now I have to call Brady and here him be mad at me, and risk Victoria being insulted and I freaking agree with them wholeheartedly. My only defense is I have to live here. They won't know that behind the scenes I fight for them all the time, for Brady's right as a father, for Drake's right's as a son, for Victoria and Mia, as Drake's family and my own now too. I am just the bitch ex-baby momma.
I hate my family. This is why when I move I want it to be far far away. 2 more years.
Conquer Writer's Block
Here are some excerpts from this week's most popular question of the day:If a friend or relative makes a racist or homophobic remark, do you tend to confront them or let it slide? Are you more likely to confront them if it offends you directly or someone else who seems reluctant to speak up?
- I find it easier to stand up for other people, and i wouldn't let it slide if they made a rude or hurtful comment.
- Usually if a friend makes a racist or homophobic remark, I tend to let it slide. I think that while i would not say such things myself, I have no right to censor those around me.
- This happens all of the time. I confront some relatives, but I refuse to if they are drunk or watch Fox News.
- I'd let it slide if it was just a private remark... As much as I despise bigotry and intolerance, I know that you can't change people-they have to change themselves ...
- Confront! confront! confront! Politely, but without equivocation.
- SPEAK UP. Always, always, always speak up. Letting something slide lets ignorance win. No matter if it offends me directly, or someone else, I will confront the speaker and let them know that's not ok.
- I don't get offended personally. As an immigrant, woman, gay and person of color if I took every single potentially offensive remark seriously I wouldn't get anything done.
- I punch them in the balls. With my mind.
- I do speak up, but often very timidly because I feel that I'm white and therefore I don't really have any authority to lecture someone on what's racist and what isn't...
- Generally speaking, I do not let this shit fly, because it reduces me as a person, to this non-person and it replicates the destructive discourse that makes sure that sexual minorities, racial minorities, women, people with disabilities, trans people and every intersection thereof into something other than human... And sometimes... I'm just too tired to deal with it, so I roll my eyes, make a sarcastic remark and hope the conversation moves on quickly.
I can hear you whisper "Sheila you have a big mouth". Every time, when the words come tumbling out, and I hear what I just said....after the fact. Not incorrect just wrong, wrong inflection, wrong time, wrong girl. I want to shove them all back in....but there they lay like self incriminating vomit. Thing is, that isn't even half of what I want to say, but I can only talk so long, and sometimes there aren't any words for the pictures I see. But just so you know, I did listen, and I do remember that I have a big mouth. I can see the value in learning to be the quiet girl. But unless I'm thin and pretty what value does that even have for me? So I can pretend I am not there? That's not going to do me any good, and your the last person I want to please anymore. I spent to long trying to, but my big mouth...it uncovered to many truths. So maybe I wouldn't have so much drama if I was that quiet girl, maybe I would have that house, that car, that life-but then I wouldn't be everything I am. The girl with the big mouth.
06:43 hmmm any better today? Nope still FOD!! ... lnk.ms/1RYHV #
13:47 strong, but in denial. ... lnk.ms/2tnyb #
Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter07:18 choosing to be happy. Or at least productive. ... lnk.ms/2pLpR #
10:09 why can't I just get the hell over it? #
19:27 People tend to overstate my resilience, but, of course, I hope they're right. ... lnk.ms/1QMzZ #
Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter10:06 making packing up and starting fresh is the right thing to do ... lnk.ms/2l5bW #
11:14 @Zombieland today would be a great day to shoot some zombies while blasting Queensryches "I Dont Believe In Love. #
11:14 @Zombieland It would make me feel better at least. #
11:59 @MiaTyler That is fucking disturbing...and getting shared... #
13:21 1CFriendship marks a life eve
n more deeply than love. Love risks degenerating into obsession, friendship is never an ... lnk.ms/2lbk7 #
09:36 Those who hate most fervently must have once loved deeply;those who want to deny the world must have once embraced ... lnk.ms/2gLLz #
16:01 how does something I already knew come as such a surprise? #
Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter21:37 can't do anything to help .....this is not what I would have wished. ... lnk.ms/18VPm #
07:25 1CExperience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn. 1D ... lnk.ms/2bWn7 #
Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter07:10 hates waking up from a dream, tired exhausted and out of breath....at least it wasn't real. ... lnk.ms/1634N #
19:16 thanks for biting me on the face stupid spider. ... lnk.ms/181vJ #
Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter21:14 my son is 13 and the girls on his myspace (also 13) post about sucking dick. holy Jesus I want to tell him he can't talk to them anymore #
21:15 but what purpose would that serve? #
22:46 never sleep with someone you don't want stalking you.... ... lnk.ms/125Nm #
07:15 wants to go back to bed. Is it Friday yet? ... lnk.ms/12gQB #
09:06 Trick or Treat Trick or Treat The bitter and the sweet ... lnk.ms/2T6fz #
10:17 Why is it that, as a culture, we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands? ~Ernest Gaine ... lnk.ms/130y2 #
Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter21:05 Our government is beyond stupid and out of control. bit.ly/SGhIi #
12:15 I hate that feeling when you think you are in the right place but not 100% sure yet. #
Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter06:59 actually likes this monday. ... lnk.ms/2GXhg #
12:45 @bestlesbianweek Facebook Gaydar has me totally creeped out. Does no one keep up with dystopian lit? #
18:29 Here's the deal, I'm not easy to get along with and I'm sensing your a bit of a bitch.-tallahassee ... lnk.ms/0tNTf #
Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter21:47 @MiaTyler you can watch Sons of Anarchy here www.surfthechannel.com/channels.html 79 minutes at a time. #
05:37 is thinking Colorado. ... lnk.ms/2BsJK #
17:07 is missing her sister ... lnk.ms/0pXgQ #
Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter09:53 has had enough with complications. ... lnk.ms/0js1Z #
10:56 jealousy is the ugliest feeling in the whole world. #
18:55 wishes that all the men in the tv room would go away so I can watch dollhouse. ... lnk.ms/0lSsS #
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Day 269 I believe.
This is me trying to get a picture in the new Vader shirt for Victoria and Mia's clothing line 1228. Victoria is married to Drake's father, Brady. Not only has forgiveness and friendship created a wonderful family life for Drake (and myself), I get free clothes.
http://www.myspace.com/revolution12
, a fancy photo sharing thing.21:09 ringofett007 good luck finding one among the spiltbeers! #
21:19 since when did Martha Pimpleton get old.... same time i did I guess. #
06:52 stupid school I want to go out. ... lnk.ms/24nQn #
Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter21:56 @Pink Re: Dear Mr. PResident, I can't believe you got booed in Anaheim and applauded in Dallas...who knew?? #
05:56 forgot all about haunt....and doesn't have the money this week... ... lnk.ms/21mqj #
20:22 is keeping her head down and ignoring all the weekend plans. I need to study. ... lnk.ms/0djs6 #
Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter07:48 grey's anatomy in just one more day!!! #
10:18 If you like to cook, my friend has a wonderful new blog. He is a GREAT cook, and he makes me laugh. www.littleurl.net/7bdbdf #
10:25 @Syfy RE: SGU can be watched as a stand-alone series. That's good to know! I think I will watch then! #
11:29 would rather be killing zombies. ... lnk.ms/0Y8XG #
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